The past, real talk. Part III & Final.

Time passed, as it always will. We argued over the phone, I eventually due to some threats and him removing things from the home, changed the locks. This made him even angrier, but I didn't care. I was broken, angry, confused, and semi-scared. I didn't know what he could be capable of, so I took all necessary means to protect myself. I changed all the codes on the garage & alarm, and installed a little more added protection to my alarm system overall.

The weeks that followed were full of yelling, arguing, crying, depression. It was a ball of mixed emotions. I relied on my family and friends for support, and they provided it. I found myself in church more often, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. I don't remember much of that time really. I spent it going to work, coming home, taking care Ty and sleeping. I didn't go out, I didn't talk to many people. I just wanted to be alone. Bits and pieces from that time stay with me, while others I can't even remember. I do however remember something very important that stuck with me and still does today. My best friend started going to church with me on Wednesdays. Not only was I praying myself, I was going to prayer partners, and asking them to pray. One Wednesday, after church, my best friend said something to me which at that time, I didn't understand. She said:

 "Sometimes the very thing we are asking God to keep together, he may be trying to pull apart"

I heard it, but it didn't register, after all, I was praying for my marriage to be healed. As time passed, with the help of family, I started to realize maybe she was right. Maybe I just needed to listen, and move forward. So I did that. Semi-willingly. I packed all his things, every single items down to a hair comb, and put it out. I told him to come get it. We started our legal proceedings. The months that followed were the most stressful I think I have ever experienced. Between lawyers, money, fighting, not agreeing, it was simply - a mess. It also seemed like things took FOREVER. I wanted it to be done, over, but he didn't respond or he disagreed. Every little thing put us back. I was still living in fear, he made threats constantly. He drove by the house, I never knew what to expect. Who wants to live like that? In the middle of legal litigation and court filings, his attorney filed a motion to remove herself as his attorney due to his conduct. Surprised much? Not one bit. This again now held us up again! He decided after that to represent himself. Such a bright idea - not! You see, I had an attorney, and not just your basic out of the yellow pages attorney. She was the former boss/friend of a friend of mine who usually only takes on high-profile cases, but because I was a friend she took my case. Blonde hair, blue eyes, African woman who fought to the grave for her clients. She of course also came along with a nice pricetag. I didn't care, I wanted her. She asked me for a detailed list of any and everything I wanted. She made me take my time, and think of everything I could possibly think of. We are not just talking material things here, we are talking money, debts, property, etc. Then we sat down together and formulated our request. Due to the fact that he had no legal representation and that fact that he is dumb as shit not the brightest bulb in the pack..... He agreed to the conditions with little to no fuss. The funny part (which wasn't until AFTER the divorce was final, was that he didn't even understand some of the legal jargon or words used) in the decree. As Larry the Cable guy would say, "Here's your sign"

 Flash forward - November 18, 2011. We were scheduled to appear before the judge. Since he had already signed the necessary documents, he was told by my attorney that he did not need to be present. Of course, and to no shock of mine, he walked into the courtroom as our case was being called........ with his mom. Nice! I was alone, well, I was with my attorney. When we stepped up to the judge, I found it very comical that the judge said to him "Sir, you already signed the necessary documents, did you feel it most necessary that you appear as well?" He (the judge) just chuckled and then proceeded. 10 mins later, it was DONE. Over, Free, Zip-Zap, Done. (Keep in mind, we were only legally married 2 years - out of those two years, we were only legally married and together under a year)  I stayed with my attorney in the courtroom to give him a chance to leave. This pressure, this stress, this fear that had followed me for the previous year or more was done. It was the biggest relief in the world. I was so happy. I felt like I had won the lottery, when indeed I was flat busted financially struggling due to being alone and having to pay for everything myself, including attorney costs. Not to mention, I was still awaiting her final billing statement. 

I will leave you with this. This was November of 2011, I had already met and been dating Danny since September (Yes, I was that girl. Still legally married, and already dating someone else) that is an ENTIRELY whole other story. A happy one at that. He knew everything, every little detail. He supported me whole heartily, and he was the one who dropped and picked me up at court that day. Victory was mine in so many aspects, not just the divorce... and I am a true testimony that God does have bigger plans for you, and he will always sustain you and carry you through any storms. He will move you from any situation that is not intended for you. I owe him all the glory and praise in the world.  

Jess

and now.... on to happier posts.....   :)